Confessions of Jane Volturi
by shine-of-a-star
Summary: There are so many things wrong with my life: 1) Aro is a nutcase. Caius is a grumpy sod and Marcus has no emotion. 2) My skin is extremely pale and I'm blonde. Some people ask me if I'm an albino that's gone wrong. 3) Due to refusing to wear contacts, I have red eyes and people think I'm weird.
1. Chapter 1

**One of my favourite books is the Georgia Nicholson series (Angus, Thongs, Perfect Snogging, It's Okay I'm Wearing Really Big Knickers etc) and I decided to write about it in the form of the Volturi and Jane. Switched the ages around a bit to make more sense. For this, anyway.**

**Siobhan and Melissa (OC from my other fanfictions) will be included because of their friendship with Jane and the randomness. **

**Disclaimer: Let's see... Nope. Don't own Twilight. If I did, I wouldn't be going to school or sat in my room most of my life because... Well, I'd have a life.**

**Sunday August 23****rd****  
My chamber  
Volterra's lovely (not) rainy weather  
10AM**

Aro had just gotten off of the phone with Carlisle. Something about a 'reunion'. That's not happening for sure. Caius wouldn't be happy and I'm pretty sure Demetri wouldn't, either. Besides, whilst me and a couple of the others have school I don't think it would work out. Oh, did you not know? Aro decided that Alec, Siobhan, Melissa and I should go to school to 'socialise' and 'refresh our brains'. Anyway, Aro skipped (yes, skipped) into my chamber with a huge grin. He started going on about some weird joke that he thought I would find funny because of my age. I really want to yell at him, "In human years, I'm 15 years old! I am bursting with womanhood, I even wear a bra! Okay, it's a bit on the loose side and does ride up around my neck when I run... But the womanly potential is there!" He left my room before I could tell him anything. Actually, talking of boobs, I'm quite concerned. I mean, being a vampire I can't... Grow, anymore. But, my concern is what if someone asks me at school about my boobs? What do I say? I would probably torture them or ask them why they were looking but, ah well.

There are 7 things very wrong with my life:

My Master (Aro) is a complete nutcase. Caius is a grumpy sod and Marcus has no emotion.

I am incredibly small.

Tomorrow my chums and I will be going back to the dreaded Volterra Coast Academy (I swear they got the name for that out of Zoey 101.)

I'm technically dead.

My skin is extremely pale and I'm blonde. Some people ask me if I'm an albino that's gone wrong.

Due to refusing to wear contacts, I have red eyes and people think I'm weird.

I have never kissed a boy, nor had a boyfriend. (I'm just a bit worried since my brother now has Siobhan and I'm just... Here.)

**Still in my chamber  
Still Sunday  
Still raining  
11:10AM**

For the past hour, I have been arguing with Felix about High School Musical. It all started where I heard some terrible singing. Being the curious one, I thought I'd check it out. I go to Felix's chamber.

"RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, I'M LOOKING AT YOU AND MY HEART LOVES THE VIEW!"

"FELIX!?" I looked at him in astonishment. He staggered before giving me an awkward grin. "That is in the wrong key!"

"It's not!"

"It is!"

"Not!"

"Is!"

"Not!"

"Is!"

I am telling you now; this went on for a while until we settled on singing a song together in the correct key. It was then that I found myself singing and dancing with Felix to 'We're All in This Together' in front of everyone. I mean, we decided to put on a show in what I like to call the throne room (it makes me feel like a royal) for everyone. When I say everyone, I actually mean the whole Volturi. Even the wives came to see what was happening! Aro was very happy (too happy, for my liking) about this and proposed that we have a talent contest tonight. We don't sleep so I guess it doesn't matter but still. Chelsea and Afton were more than delighted and Felix insisted that I be his partner so we can sing 'Bop to the Top'. WHAT IS HIS OBSESSION WITH HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!? I swear I live in a mad house. It's more of a castle but, you get my point. Alec is currently shouting at me for giving Aro the idea of a talent contest.

"This is your entire fault!"

"It was Felix too!"

"I don't want to join some stupid contest!"

"Then sit in the audience!"

"What if I want to watch Family Guy?"

"Then watch Family Guy!"

How awkward is my dear brother? Luckily, Siobhan got him out of my chamber for me. Anyway, moving onto more interesting subjects that aren't about someone else. I have recently started reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. I think most of the Volturi have, to be honest. But, moving on. Never, in my entire life, did I think any of this could happen! How did this Anastasia even get a guy in bed that quickly? I mean, she sounds really awkward and even a vampire – such as myself – who is a natural beauty couldn't get a guy that easily. I don't consider myself to be as pretty compared to someone such as Heidi or Siobhan and Melissa but if vampires have this natural allure then how comes I have never had a boyfriend? This castle is full of testosterone! Let's just exclude my brother, the masters, Afton, Felix and Demetri from this. I only say this because twincest would be weird, awkward and Siobhan who is my best friend would probably have her father kill me. Aro and Caius both have wives and Marcus is old and depressive. Afton is with Chelsea, that's pretty simple. I'm pretty sure Felix is a closeted gay and I think Demetri and Heidi... Do things together and to each other so.

**Felix's chamber  
12:30PM**

"I'll be Ryan and you can be Sharpay!" Felix was way too happy and excited about this.

"Um... Felix..." I begun but it seemed that he wouldn't let me express my opinion.

"We could even go into town and get outfits!"

Kill me now.

I forgot for a moment that I'm already dead.

"Perhaps we should go for a song that is a little more... Subtle?" I suggested. Perhaps I shouldn't have.

"Nobody puts baby in the corner," Felix suddenly said, doing a roly-poly. He has officially gone mad. "We could do that one from Dirty Dancing! We can do the lift and everything."

"I have a song for you to sing!" He looked at me enthusiastically. I really shouldn't have started this whole High School Musical thing with him. "You could sing 'I'm Coming Out'!"

I heard a laugh come from someone, somewhere... Someday... No! Bad Jane! Don't sing in your head.

"What about," Felix paused with a huge grin like a child before opening their presents on Christmas day, "wait for it..." Oh, god. He's been watching How I Met Your Mother too much. "Let's sing... Fabulous!"

Before he could get me into wearing a ridiculous outfit I ran (okay, so I fell) out of the room. Bella Swan moment, much? It really irritated me.

**Somewhere in Volterra  
12:45PM**

Siobhan and Melissa saved me. Apparently Alec locked himself in the bathroom because Demetri was making sexual comments towards him. According to Siobhan that never happened but in Alec's tiny pea brain mind it did. So, we couldn't get him to come out the bathroom and left without him. Melissa kindly suggested that we try and get boyfriends and Siobhan was there to help us.

Anyway, we came up with this plan. Since everyone is Italian here (I think?) I am going to start talking to a hot guy and then when he sees that I am an exotic woman who speaks a foreign language he will definitely want me! Don't ask, my best friends are slightly crazy. I must admit though, so am I.

Once spotting a gorgeous guy (let's call him Sir Dreamy) I 'accidently' bumped into him whilst limping. Yes, I somehow developed a limp. You need to make them feel sorry for you, take it from the girl who has never had a boyfriend. "Oh, I'm sorry." He said with an awkward smile. Dammnit, he's British.

"Excusez-moi. Je suis Française. Je ne parle pas l'anglais. Parlez-vous Française?" Suddenly, I was speaking French. French! How do I bloody know French!?

He looked slightly bewildered and confused; it was rather hot actually. This is why it's good that Alec doesn't join our 'shopping trips'. "Are you lost? I don't speak French, I'm afraid."

I gave him a dreamy smile, he was so cute even when he didn't know stuff! "Au secours, monsieur?" I then looked puzzled. What was even happening right now!? First I develop a limp, then I start speaking French, then I'm smiling as if I'm the Cheshire Cat and all of the sudden I'm looking confused an puzzled!

Unexpectedly, he grabbed my arm. "Don't be frightened and come with me." Siobhan and Melissa were looking amazed but I didn't mind, I had a gorgeous guy holding onto my arm and taking me somewhere! I trotted (not literally) along quite happily and attractively beside him. It wasn't long until he led me into a French shop because the owner is French. Why is there a French shop in Italy? The boy waited for a few minutes with me and he gave me a weird look when he realized that I'd lost my limp.

**The lounge  
2:15PM**

Guess what? I only just got back from that French shop! The woman went on and on for hours in French! I kindly nodded and got a lot of free food. No, vampires don't eat but they can. I also got a beret. I'm thinking of giving it to Aro for a Christmas present. It turns out, Siobhan and Melissa didn't know where I was so they just assumed I was either dead or having sex so they went off and brought a load of pineapple and strawberries! See, everyone is obsessed with something; some more than others. Siobhan loves strawberries, Melissa loves pineapple, Felix loves musicals, Demetri loves spoons. Someone, not naming names just yet, made the following Facebook accounts of the Volturi, each defining something about us:

Jane's Pain

Siobhan's Strawberries

Melissa's Pineapples

Caius' Anger Issues

Felix's Musicals

Demetri's Spoons

Aro's Hair

Heidi's Dumbness

Chelsea's Dumbness

Alec's Wii (oo-er, that sounds a bit wrong.)

Afton's Balls (again, sounds wrong but I reckon it means his footballs)

They were the only ones that were made. Who made them, you wonder? Marcus! Freaking depressive-I-have-no-soul-and-want-to-be-killed Marcus! Apparently, we all underestimated him.

Oh, right. Back to what happened when I got into the lounge. Siobhan and Melissa were there (that's when I found out that they thought I was dead.)

Alec walked in and looked at me, looking slightly confused. I'm guessing Demetri explained to him that he wasn't making sexual comments towards him. "Jane, when I ask you this I want a straight answer: why are you wearing a beret and why are you munching on a baguette?"

"The French lady gave them to me." He still didn't seem completely satisfied with my answer but sat down in between me and Siobhan. "I think my beret looks double cool with knobs on." This got me another odd look. "It means very very cool... With knobs on. It just makes it snappier."

"Jane!" I heard Felix shouting. He sprung into the lounge... Oh god... He isn't. Nope. He is. He is dressed up in a leotard with a bra! Yes! A freaking bra! Not to mention he is wearing Clogs and short-shorts. Everyone looked at him awkwardly. I finally threw a piece of baguette at him. "It's my outfit for the competition! Come on, Jane! You need to choose your outfit. I was thinking we could wear something that matches," no bloody way! "Now, we need to work out who's singing what. I was thinking-"

"FELIX, SHUT UP!" This would be pure embarrassment. "I will not singing you whilst you are wearing that! You can find something else!"

"But-"

"FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO WEAR!" It seemed that my shouting and baguette throwing worked. He slumped off to change into a more appropriate outfit.

"I think I'll definitely come to this contest." Alec sniggered. I glared at him.

"Aren't you coming anyway?" Siobhan asked. "Mel and I are doing a performance. I told you this before you hid in the bathroom! Were you not going to go? Oh my God! You promised me!"

I walked off before I could listen to their arguing. It was one of those silly arguments they had. Like the time Siobhan sat on Alec's DS Lite, or the time he ate her strawberries, or the time he pushed her into the fountain (may I just add, he also pushed me in as well). Long story short, these arguments are pointless.

Maybe I shouldn't want a boyfriend. I mean, I understand from Siobhan's perspective because Alec can be a twat. I don't fancy relationship advice from the best friend who is dating my brother. That's weird. Melissa is single like me but she still flirts with a lot of Italians, just for the sake of flirting. I have an epiphany!

I quickly ran to Heidi's room and knocked on the door politely. I never usually would but the last time I walked into someone's room without knocking, I saw something... Disturbing. After hearing Heidi say come in, I wandered in carelessly. "Heidi," I smiled sweetly as I sat beside her, "Do you have any relationship advice? Or how to get a boyfriend advice? Or how to remotely attractive advice?"

"Jane, you know I don't have a boyfriend..."

"But, you and Demetri have se-"

"Yes! Okay, enough now please!" Heidi quickly interrupted.

"But didn't Melissa walk in on you-" Again, she interrupted me.

"JANE, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

I decided to leave because Demetri was hovering outside the door. I winked at him on the way out, it was weird. Mainly because I have discovered that I, as a matter of fact, cannot wink and it looked like I had something in my eye.

I was about to go and find Chelsea but without warning, Felix came hurdling from behind me and flung me over his shoulder. He carried me to his room (why does everything I say sound wrong?) to make me practice. Luckily, he wasn't wearing his leotard and bra anymore. He was dressed like Ryan Evans... Which only meant one thing.

**The throne room (which now has a stage and loads of chairs)  
11PM**

No, I'm not dead. Felix spent hours making me practice with him; I saw Demetri walking out of Heidi's room with messy hair and walked in on a lot of rehearsals. Felix and I were not up first, which just made matters worse. Why? I look like Sharpay Evans! Then, Felix is sat beside me looking like Ryan! Alec found this very amusing and took a picture of me and then uploaded it to Facebook. Oh, him and Siobhan have 'kissed and made up', so to speak. First up were Aro and Sulpicia. Now, this is how it went... Basically, they were wearing onsies for a start and let me tell you, this had nothing to do with the song.

"Summer loving, had me a blast!" Aro sung (out of tune, may I add) in a ridiculously high voice.

"Summer loving, happen so fast!" Sulpicia wailed. I say wailed because whatever she was doing was definitely not singing.

"I met a girl, crazy for me!"

"Met a boy, cute as can be!"

Then came the dance which was indeed, weird. It was pretty much a bad version of Gangnam style. "Summer days, drifting away, to uh-oh those summer nights!"

You can imagine how it went. If not, then feel glad because honestly, I will never recover from something like that. Especially since he had managed to convince *cough* bully *cough* Marcus, Renata, Corin and Heidi into helping him out.

Chelsea and Afton weren't that bad. They were wearing normal clothes, for a start. And they didn't do any ridiculous dances.

"Don't go breaking my heart," well, it seems that Afton is a rather good singer.

"I couldn't if I tried," damn you, Chelsea for sounding perfect.

"Honey if I get restless!"

"Baby you're not that kind!"

"Don't go breaking my heart!"

"You take the weight off me!"

"Honey when you knock on my door!"

"I gave you my key!"

Moving on. They were good, but still. I don't want it to seem like I 'ship' them super bad or anything...

Next were my very good friends, Siobhan and Melissa. What did they do? They brang out a piano and started singing the Family Guy theme tune! They even found a white dog to be Brian! The dog just sat there. Actually, I wonder where they got him. It was obvious that they were making a joke of Aro but he just done that stupid, irritating high-pitched laugh and waved his arms around in the air. The girls made my night. Chelsea and Afton were so serious about it (as was Felix, who was giving them the evil eye) and Aro and Sulpicia just scarred me for life. Not to mention the many PDA's that went on that night. There was Siobhan and Alec but they were very... Tame because Caius was there. Aro and Sulpicia, ugh, that was a goat and a half. By the way, I don't know what that means because I only just made it up. I'm guessing it means disgusting. It seems that Heidi and Demetri were finally caught out and Chelsea and Afton... Nothing stopped them.

"Jane! It's our turn!" Felix pulled me up to the stage.

It was beyond humiliating. I'm not going to go into too much detail but halfway through the song, Felix started to spin me around. That was not what we rehearsed! Anyway, he took his Ryan hat off and put it on me. The trollup (a troll with a totes amaze balls catch) put it over my eyes, causing me to fall off the stage just as we finished. That's actually how Heidi and Demetri were... Revealed. They were behind the curtain which I sort of clung onto to try and stop my fall. It obviously didn't work because it fell on top on me revealing Heidi and Demetri in a cringy situation.

I'm so awkward sometimes. To make matters worse, schools back tomorrow. There's times where we can't go in because of the sun and sometimes Siobhan and I get expelled (you will probably find out about this soon enough.) Luckily, with the girls' compulsion abilities we're all in the same classes. This probably isn't a good thing because whilst Melissa seems to focus a lot, Alec sometimes does and sometimes don't then Siobhan and I sort of get into trouble... A lot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Just to be clear, I do not know a lot (anything at all) about cars. Yes, this chapter involves something about cars. Reviews are appreciated. They're like my sugar to keep me going with the story. I know how random and OOC this story is but that's the whole humour of it! I've been glued to a lot of the funny Volturi stories lately. I mean, we only really see Jane from Bella's perspective. Who's to say she isn't awkward or childish when the Volturi are alone?**

**Monday August 24****th****  
1:17AM**

Aro has quite literally gone bonkers. He has sent us to bed to, and I quote, "get some sleep for school in the morning." It all started when Chelsea and Afton won the talent contest.

"They need a prize!" Aro exclaimed whilst walking around in circles. "What about that dog?"

"You can't have Brian!" That's when Melissa ran away with the dog.

"Little Jane," why he had to define me by my height I don't know, "you can help. What about a crest?"

"They already have one, Master."

"How about first choosing at tomorrow's meal?"

I saw Caius glare; he obviously didn't want that to happen. "The rule states that the guard must wait for the Masters. Therefore, changing the rule would be like changing the 'Felix cannot dance on Sundays' rule."

"How about a book?"

"Why don't you ask them?"

"A karaoke machine?"

"Again, why don't you just ask them?"

"Jane has a beret!" Alec perked up. "They could have the beret that the French lady gave to her."

"Excellent idea, young Alec." Damn you, Alec. "Jane, go and fetch your beret."

So, to make things clear, the beret that I was going to give to Aro as a Christmas present now belongs to Chelsea and Afton. We all sort of hovered around for a while, just having a general conversation (which was weird for us). Then, Aro decided it was time for bed for 'the kids'. My groupies (Alec, Siobhan and Melissa who had hidden Brian the dog in her room) and I were having a small game of Cornucopia, Roses, Knives. See, we made it up. We all like The Hunger Games. It's very simple. The cornucopia is rock, so it beats knives which are basically scissors, which then beat roses which somehow beat the cornucopia. I'm pretty sure that considering they are President Snow's roses, they would beat the cornucopia. We haven't decided on any actions though. We just use the normal ones. Oh, right. I'll carry on. Aro came over to us when we were playing that game.

"Are you excited for school tomorrow?" His smile was weird and freaky.

"No." That was funny because we all said it at the same time.

"Aw, I think some certain little vampires are tired."

"I can assure you that we are not tired." I simply pointed that out, as you can see. But, no, Aro wasn't having any of it.

"Is it bedtime for you little kiddies?" Trust me when I say, we were not the only ones giving him weird looks. Everyone else in the room was as well. "Do you want a bedtime story? Would you like to watch the 'Nick Jr. Bedtime' hour? I think you've missed that, dearies. Maybe you should get some sleep for school."

"Aro, we don't sleep..." Siobhan really shouldn't have said this. It only sent him off on another little daydream.

"Aw, do you kiddies think there are monsters?"

I wanted to yell, 'WE ARE THE MONSTERS' but I didn't because that would only have him going on about that.

"Don't you worry, children. Felix and Demetri will keep the monsters away! Would you like me and my dear wife to tuck you in?"

"I'm leaving before anything disturbing happens. Um, Aro, I don't know what's wrong with you but you seem crazier than usual so, I suggest you see a doctor." After Melissa said that, she and Siobhan left! They left and abandoned me and Alec to deal with Aro!

"Alec, would you like to go with your mate?" This didn't seem as awkward for me as it was for Alec. I could see Caius twitching which made me want to laugh. He really got annoyed about Siobhan and Alec. Actually, Siobhan, Melissa and Athenodora are the only ones he cares about. Who'd've known Caius could care, huh!? "I bet she misses you."

"She's been gone for about a minute..."

"Nevertheless, you should probably run along. Go now, bedtime!" Alec escaped. I tried to. I say tried. "Little Jane."

"Master."

"Jane."

"Master."

"Jane."

"Master."

"Jane."

"Master."

"Jane."

"Master."

"Jane."

"Master."

"Is this going anywhere!?" Caius snapped. Aro may have well of jumped out of his skin. He then started pestering Caius, so I made a quick escape.

It turns out that Alec was with Siobhan and Melissa was getting ready for school; too early in my opinion. This brings us to the current time and not about half hour before; I walked into my room and sitting on my bed was a Chihuahua. This wasn't even Brian! Brian was a big Alsatian! No, this was just a little Chihuahua which was asleep on my bed. It had short, tanned colour fur; probably no older than a year old considering this one was rather small. It had a pink collar so I reckon it is possibly a girl. Should I see if it has a name tag?

It does.

Apparently, her name is 'Harmony'. I'm still wondering what a dog is doing in my room.

**1:45AM**

The dog is Siobhan's. Apparently, when she and Melissa were getting Brian for the performance they decided that they may actually keep him. Then Siobhan saw the 'cutest' Chihuahua and decided that she wanted her. This will explain it, more than less:

I was studying Harmony by laying there and watching her. I thought she was dead.

"Harmony!" That's when Siobhan speeded into my room with Alec behind her, picking up the dog.

"Siobhan, is this your dog?"

"I got her at the pet store today whilst getting Brian! Isn't she just the cutest?"

"She is rather cute. But now you have woken her." I much prefer little kittens.

"She's my new baby; she can sleep in my arms." Mad Friend number one. "She is actually a puppy though."

"Can I point out that the thing is not cute?" Alec cut in. He probably shouldn't have called Siobhan's 'baby' the thing because she threw one of my shoes at him... And missed. "What was that for? It looks like a slightly bigger rat and bit me earlier!"

"Harmony is a 'she', not it!"

"Yeah, Alec." I joined in for the fun. "Besides, anyone would bite you." That sounded wrong, I know. "I mean... When you call her a rat and it of course she'll bite you!"

"I think all animals hate Alec. Brian wasn't very keen on him either."

"Then it's settled, I'm getting a cat!" I announced.

This annoyed Alec because he pretty much stormed out and Siobhan just followed with Harmony.

**2:09AM**

Should I wear a skirt tomorrow?

**2:10AM**

Perhaps I should ask Siobhan and Melissa what they're wearing.

**2:11AM**

Skinny jeans, boots, white top and leather jacket. I think I'll go with that.

**2:14AM**

We can't wear out Volturi stuff because let's admit it, not the nicest of all clothes.

**7AM**

Aro came into my room. Why? He was 'waking me up' for school. He ran into my room whilst I was using the internet. Anyway, he opened my curtains, spun around on his feet with the hugest smile and shouted, "Good morning, sunshine! The earth says hello!" I gave him a weird look so he started to point. Someone's been watching Glee. "And that my dear friend is called cannibalism, which is frowned upon in most societies." Than he ran out of my room, laughing that ridiculous laugh. I was already up (obviously) and ready for school! Apparently he did it to all us 'kiddies'. I could hear Harmony yapping at him. Obviously he decided to wake the baby.

**7:12AM **

Alec is complaining. Why? Siobhan asked him to feed Harmony and he didn't want to. I tortured him into it. If Siobhan ever decides to go a slight bit more mad and get god parents for her dog then I want to be one of the first options.

**8AM**

Aro wants Felix to drive us to school for some reason. After last nights events and him practically pushing me off the stage, I refuse. I'm not even talking to him.

**8:03AM**

Demetri just offered to drive us. Why is everyone being so nice? Has someone died? Will there be a surprise party? We've all kindly said we'll drive by ourselves. If you're wondering how, the school doesn't know that we're 15. When we joined, we said we were 15 but we had to pretend to get older of course.

**8:10AM **

It's settled. I'm going to go in Siobhan's car with her, Melissa is taking her car and Alec is taking his. I would take my own but it's sometimes I hard to reach the peddle. So, Chandler Bing (that's the name of my Mercedes-Benz) is staying at home to day. It may sound ridiculous, but me, Siobhan and Melissa have all named out cars. Siobhan's silver Audi is called Bentley. I don't know why she named it Bentley, considering there is a make of cars called Bentley. Apparently she likes the name but prefers Audi's to Bentley's. What's weird is that Melissa has a Bentley and has called it Patrick. Alec is just boring and didn't name his Honda S2000 which I can drive better.

**8:25AM**

What a car journey that was. Firstly, Alec called Siobhan because she drove past him, going over the speed limit in the process. That didn't really bother me. Or her, for that matter. Anyway, I heard a little yap. I looked at Siobhan's bag and out climbed Harmony!

"Siobhan!?" I had to pick the Chihuahua up because she was trying to jump on me. "What is Harmony doing here?"

"No one except you, Alec and Melissa exactly know that I got a dog... Oh, and Aro! I don't trust anyone to not kill her."

"Why can't you just lock her in your room?"

"I accidently broke the door and can't open it from the outside if it's shut."

"How do you expect to take her to school?"

"I'll leave her in the car."

"What if she has to pee?"

"I'll come out here at break and lunch! I know what I'm doing!" I could tell Siobhan was getting frustrated by all my questions.

Of course, I had to trust that she knew what she was doing. Alec was doing mad when he found out. He told her to take 'it' back home but she refused, wound the window down slightly and dragged him into school. Melissa and I just followed behind them. Everything was okay until a teacher (a newbie, I guess) stopped me.

"Are you a first year?" She asked; her smile was horrible and too scary for my liking. It was all cheerful and happy. "Don't be frightened, lovely. I'm new as well, as is everyone else in your year. Would you like a biscuit to calm you down? Yeah? Or how about you go and play on the swings with your friends?"

She finally let me leave after I started shouting that I am most certainly not a first year and I have about two years left of school. Is it weird that there are only a few Italians here and the ones that are speak fluent English? Let me explain. A lot of Volterra speak English. They either learnt it or that is there nationality. I don't understand this school, at all, but then again you can already see how weird and awkward my life is.

Assembly first. Great. Mr. Chalk has decided on calling our assemblies every Monday morning now. I never liked them in the first place and never will.

**9PM**

That asshole moved Siobhan and I away from Alec and Melissa! We are apparently 'disruptive', 'noisy' and he also claims that we talk a lot and are misleading to Alec, Melissa and all of the first years. We now have to sit with the teachers. Alec didn't look happy about his sister and girlfriend being took away from him. Siobhan said that she will fix it for next week though. I only hope that we will not be moved away from each other in lessons.

**In Geography  
11:15**

You don't want to know what happened to me... Okay, you may want to. Siobhan and Melissa thought it was hilarious, as did Alec once he found out what happened. I'll explain because Geography is boring me.

I was just about to go to break to meet my chums. "Ah, Jane!" Stupid Mr. Chalk. "I would like you to be the 'buddy' for our new student!" Naturally, I turned around. It was that boy that took me to the French shop. You know, the one that I pretended to be French to and I gained a limp? I was hoping that he either didn't recognise me or forgot that I pretended to be French and had a limp. "This is Cody. Cody, this is Jane."

I smiled awkwardly. "We've met before," Cody said. Damn. Kill me now, I though.

To make things worse, I tried to lighten the situation by going all 'Sleeping Beauty'. "I know you; I danced with you once upon a dream..." I actually started singing! "I mean! Um... Practice! I've heard that the new school play is Sleeping Beauty and wanted to audition!"

"I'll leave you two to it." Mr. Chalk walked away.

"I thought you were French?" Cody immediately asked me. Could my life get any worse?

"I thought I was as well... It turns out, that I'm not!"

"Don't you have a limp as well?"

"No, whatever gave you that idea!" He gave me an awkward and weird look. "You know when you get nervous socially so you lie to impress...?"

"No."

No? No!? Idiotic Sex God.

"Exactly, we all do it!" I should have run away. I should have said, 'Alec will do it' and carried on. He needs friends. "We have break now. You can meet my homies... I mean, my brother and best friends."

We were walking quite peacefully (I went into silent mode to avoid any further embarrassment) until we were interrupted by a familiar yap. I turned around and there was Harmony, at my feet. I picked her up of course. "Hello there, sweetie. I'm getting you've come to find your mommy? Is Alec your new daddy?" I failed to remember Cody.

"Is that your dog...?"

"Good heavens no! That would imply that I'm with my brother, no!" I almost puked at the thought.

I couldn't though because, you know, I'm a vampire.

"My best friend got her yesterday and has decided that she's her baby..." I took him (and Harmony) for that matter into the canteen. I received a lot of weird looks. Much to my luck, Harmony's mother ran over to me and picked her up.

"Baby, what are you doing here?" She cooed. "Thanks Jane! Alec, look who's here!" She walked back over to the table. Hopefully, with me being awkward and Siobhan being weird, Cody would look past it.

I took him over to the table, even though I didn't want to. Well, I did because he's hot but then again, I've made a huge cock up. Well, there's no cock up, if you know what I mean. Oooh! How naughty! "Cody this is Alec, he's my brother. The girl with the dog is Siobhan, the dog is called Harmony and this is Melissa. Everyone else, this is Cody."

They all said hi and allowed him to sit with us. Melissa, being herself, remembered him and told Alec everything. The French, the limp and the shop. Alec laughed and told me that I'm a socially awkward sloth. A sloth? A sloth!?

Anyway, he's in most of my classes and he's actually sitting with me and Siobhan in Geography. Somehow, she smuggled Harmony in. I reckon she compelled everyone to pretend it's normal.

"Why did she bring a dog to school?" Cody asked me. Oh, heavens. How do I explain?

"Her mother is allergic to dogs and Siobhan got Harmony without her knowing... Therefore, if Athenodora finds out she might... Throw her at Caius..." What on earth did I just say?

"Who's Caius?"

"Siobhan and Melissa's father."

"And this, Athen..."

"Athenodora, I know, it's a mouthful."

"Yes, this, Athenodora would just throw a dog at him?"

"Anything can happen where we live so yes."

"Oh, so, you live together?"

I've just realized that the teacher has walked out. Everyone is talking. Now I feel more relaxed.

"Yeah... We live in the castle, you see. It's..."

"Royalty?" I heard a laugh from Alec.

"You could say that."

"Interesting. Why are your eyes red? Not only yours, but the others as well?"

"Contacts." At least it wasn't hard answering that. I'm so used to it.

"I'm bored," Siobhan announced, interrupting our conversation. I must thank her for that later. "Wanna ditch? I should probably get Harmony out of here and I'm your ride home."

**11:15AM**

Siobhan ended up phoning Heidi to collect Harmony. She told her to hide her in Alec's bathroom because no one goes in there. We're still stuck in Geography. Cody keeps questioning me about things which I don't want to answer because my answers are really weird. I just answered 'chicken' for something. In my defence, I wasn't listening.

**11:30AM**

I've just realized that my eyebrows are extremely dark compared to my hair. I'll dye them later.

**3:55PM**

Everyone found out about Harmony. Heidi was a ditz (my mistake, is a ditz) and let Harmony out because Alec's bathroom wasn't very 'doggy comfortable'. The guard didn't really care, neither did Marcus. Aro was more than delighted and Caius, being the git he is, started shouting about and complaining. Yes, this was Siobhan, his daughter that he never has a go at he was shouting at. Well, he was having a go at everyone really for not caring. I got told off as well...

"What is that rat doing here!?" Caius demanded whilst Siobhan was holding her dog.

"Daddy, Harmony is a dog not a rat."

"You can't have a dog!"

"I like dogs." That was Aro, believe it or not.

"Stay out of this, you twit," pretty much everyone laughed at that point. That made Caius angrier.

"Can I keep Brian?" Melissa asked. I was standing in between her and my pal Siobhan and at this point, I feared my arms or head.

"No one is keeping any animals!"

"You just find a problem with everything. Can't we have a vote?" Siobhan then asked, even though Caius was only getting angrier. "It would then be fair."

So with that, we had a vote. Caius and Alec were the only ones who voted to not keep the dogs.

"I demand a recount!"

"But, you and my idiotic brother were the only ones that voted." I very kindly pointed that out in hope that he would let me go to my room. Apparently not.

"Shut up and stay out of this!" I could see Alec from the corner of my eye; he hated it whenever someone such as Caius would shout at me and Siobhan was now holding him to make sure he didn't go and attack.

"Brother, you need to calm down." Aro said in a cheerful tone. "You agreed to a vote. Siobhan's statement got more votes. The animals can stay. I have an idea! Let's all get a pet each! Won't that be fun? I'm sure Sulpicia would love a friend!" Then Aro just left to go and tell Sulpicia that she can have a pet to keep her company. He'd probably tell Athenodora as well. Caius just stormed out whilst everyone else sort of stood there awkwardly.

"That dog causes a lot of problems." Trust Alec to break the silence. "Things have been weird ever since you got her."

"Things are always weird." I decided to point that out because otherwise Alec wouldn't know the difference between what is normal and what is weird.

**My room  
6:05PM**

My life is over.

**6:06PM**

It all happened after dinner... I tried to tint my eyebrows with hair dye. I look through Melissa's cabinet and found some blonde hair dye so naturally, I used it. It was all going very well when I /thought/ it was blonde.

**6:06PM**

I now have pink shaded eyebrows! Heidi, Chelsea, Melissa and Siobhan aren't helping.

"You should have asked me to help!"

"What have you done!?"

"You can't go to school like that!"

"What will Alec say about this!?" Thanks to Siobhan, Alec then came running in.

"Jane... My, darling sister... What the hell have you done!?"

"What will Master Aro say? Or worse, Caius!? Oh no... If he asks, I know nothing." That's just Chelsea being herself and panicking.

"I don't think I like you all ganging up on me..." I tried to sound as innocent as I could.

"I can fix this! Sort of... How about I die them brown again?"

"Siobhan, I don't know if you noticed but that was the colour of my eyebrows before, that's why I dyed them."

"Well, I can't dye them blonde because they'll turn orange!"

**8PM**

I let Siobhan properly tint my eyebrows. She had to get the pink out.

**8:09PM**

Alec found this all hilarious.


End file.
